One of the things we rarely do is to take the time to consider who we are, what we are doing and where we are going.
In fact, I can’t remember the last time I did this myself and so I am finally taking the opportunity to do this over the next few weeks and to work out what is important to me going forward.
As part of the preparations for this, I have been doing some homework that is well outside of my comfort zone and whatever I read, the challenge all comes back to one simple issue, namely that of managing your ego.
Many will say that the ego is a vital part of business, giving you the drive and single-mindedness to succeed although there is now an increasing body of opinion to suggest that rather than driving forward business success, it actually holds it back.
I have digested dozens of articles on this subject (yes, there may be a book on the way!) and the conclusion is that it is probably one of the most challenging things any of us will have to deal with, if we choose to do so.
And if we deal with it properly, then it can have an effect not only on our careers and our businesses but, more importantly, our relationships with others.
So what are the some of the warning signs that your ego is running your business or personal life?
The first sign is that you have to be right, all the time which largely arises out of a fear of self-doubt.
As Eckardt Tolle, one of the world’s leading authorities on this area has written, “The ego is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself as constantly under threat. This, by the way, is the case even if the ego is outwardly very confident.”
This leads to a situation where you simply fail to acknowledge the truth of the situation, despite all the facts before you. Worst of all, there are no shades of grey in any decision, just right or wrong.
There can be no compromise and there is only one view that is important namely yours. As a result, you are critical and judgmental without reason and this will not only affect relationships in your business but could lead to lost opportunities going forward.
Another key problem will be the reluctance to truly listen to others and to focus only on what you think or believe, resulting in an inability to consider new ideas, take advice and discuss the key issues at hand.
Again, this can lead to the business being stuck in one place but it can also affect internal and external relationships as the egocentric entrepreneur or manager lacks the ability to listen to other people’s concerns.
Related to this is the need to always be in control of the situation, causing defensive thinking when things are not going right. That can either result in extreme stress when you try and deal with this directly or even worse, you run away from the situation when you think things are going wrong.
Then there is the question of always wanting more from everything and everybody and never being satisfied and appreciative of yourself, your current job or your relationships. This means nothing is ever good enough and you will always be looking for something better rather than focusing on building on what you have now successfully.
This will also lead you to being sensitive about what others tell you to the extent that you question the meaning of simple discussions and see them in a negative light, whatever the context. Even a throwaway comment which was meant as a joke by one of your business partners or co-workers will be seen as an attack as on your integrity and self-worth.
And to compensate and deal with all of these issues, the ego will push you towards focusing on yourself to the exception of everything, leading to an unhealthy self-obsession with putting you before the business or, in fact, anyone else. Then it is no longer about “we” but “me” and the focus on building the business or team is lost.
So what is the solution to dealing with your ego? Unfortunately, there is no single answer but there are a few simple steps that can be taken.
Stop asking “what’s in it for me” and focus on giving your time and energy to others within your organisation. Don’t be afraid to lose, to be wrong and not have control all the time as this will limit not only yourself but the opportunities for the business going forward. Being available and open-minded to your team and customers can reap large rewards for yourself and, more importantly, for your business.
Finally, and this is the most difficult issue for all of us, admitting that we have an ego and learning to manage it properly is the most important lesson of all and one that we should never stop working on during our careers or, indeed, our lives.